- have difficulty making decisions
- have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries
- give up their truth in order to gain the approval of others
- an unhealthy dependence on relationships
- a compelling need to control others
How to Take Charge of Your Life and Business & Codependency
Let’s face it, life is…. surprising?
It can feel like a circus when we are reacting to our outcomes, but what if we chose them instead?
This is what I set out to do years ago when I had started my first business, Flourish Design. Trying to do this from where I was turned out to be a disaster. I was trying to live life on my own terms as an entrepreneur.
Nothing was turning out the way I hoped. I had no money, a bad relationship with my husband, less than ideal projects, and total frustration. I had big ideas, though, and drive.
The main problem was I was used to reacting to the world around me. I did not know how to create outcomes at the time, which can be easy if you’re happy, healthy, and whole. One major stumbling block was in my way; I would uncover a few years into my self growth in working with coaches.
I was a codependent.
This was news to me at the time and it came as a shock. First, I didn’t know what codependents were until I read the book ‘Codependent No More’ by Melody Beattie. Second, upon finishing the book I was stunned at how deeply dysfunctional I was as an addict to addicts.
I could see how my behaviors as a codependent were keeping me from everything I wanted in life. A loving partner, great client relationships, money, basic happiness? These things can often times be unavailable to codependents because codependents live life as victims. I was a professional victim, blaming and reacting to the world at large through a very needy, empty place of insecurity.
When I learned this I was ashamed. I only wanted to be good, do good things, and be happy, but I was hard wired to fail at this. Seeing it on paper made me feel like a bad person even though I’m not. It made me reflect on how I was creating toxic situations for myself and some of the people in my path. What hurts the most was I couldn’t be a really professional service provider until I cleaned up my act.
Some behaviors of codependents are as follows and I was all of these and many more big time:
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